You + Elevator + 2 Investors = Is That What an Elevator Pitch Really Is
Definitely weren’t ready for this
The party was over. I am on the introvertish side, so the “happy, happy, joy, joy” demeanor is not my cup of “grande iced chai tea latte.” I slouch a bit to relax my shoulders, my partner presses on the elevator button. The doors to the dim elevator with a long-awaited quietude open at last. We step in. Deep exhale, as doors start to close. Suddenly, a foot in the door and then the rest of the body appears, and one more. I feel the elevator shake a bit from their buoyant entry. Doors close.
The four of us exchange hellos and quickly glance at each other’s name/company badges. Are these two fine gentlemen… Yep, investors that we couldn’t get to at the party, or before the party, or ever! They must live in some parallel Universe. This elevator must be a glitch between meta-Universes. Ok, snap out of it, straighten up your shoulders, look them in the eye (or between the eyes…oh man, his eyebrows are funny) and go for the pitch that you have been drilling and supposedly can recite even when awoken in the middle of REM sleep.
They give us a green light and ask what we do. My partner regains his composure (consciousness) more quickly than I do and goes for the pitch. After a couple of sentences, he gets interrupted with a question. Oh no… our well-crafted script has now been compromised! I jump in to answer the question and to modify a phrase that seems to have caused the funny-eye-brows man to slightly raise one of his eyebrows.
Passing the 20th floor. How much time do we have before we reach the first floor, so we conclude on a perfect note? Takes about 3 seconds between each floor. Really? No 13th floor? We jeopardize our own luck with all these superstitions! So, 20 (actually 19 now) and minus a missing 13th, a little under a minute left to wrap up.
Exclude adjectives, go with strong verbs, present-tense verbs instead of future-tense will also cut time and make stronger statements. 5th floor. Go for the final shot. Aaand touch down!
All of us walk out of the elevator, form a little circle (sounds too endearing, so more of a rectangle), exchange cards, along with concluding nods and smiles. Our ephemeral companions depart into the sunset (or is this light a portal to their parallel Universe?).
We have previously done a good share of “elevator” pitches. Offices, conference rooms, even podiums, but never in a vertically moving box, where time is measured with an unpredictable (prior to entering the elevator) number of seconds between an unpredictable number of floors. We were empty-handed and couldn’t peek into our notebooks or awe with impressive visuals. It’s like we think we are good drivers and then find ourselves having to drive in the rain at night, with every raindrop magnifying passing car lights, and then there is always this one car with high beams on… And to top it off, your mother-in-law is in the back seat, so you can’t be blurting out a blasphemous lexicon every time you hit a pothole.
An elevator pitch is not about being able to recite a brief speech at a predictable time, for a predictable length of time, in the predictable environment. Prepare your team or your students by calling out on them in the middle of the meeting, or as they are about to take a bite from their sandwich (that would be cruel though), or while they are standing in line at a coffee shop. Or tell them that you discovered a portal into 13th floor of your office building and have them join you on the elevator ride!